The never-ending Robert Steinbuch lawsuit

Lawyers in the house: how do you add an unknown person to a suit? This is one of those times I wish I'd finished law school and perhaps knew the answer. How is anyone ever going to be able to find out who tipped Wonkette off? What is she found out herself through googling or there were multiple sources? Would she even have those records thousands upon thousands of emails later?

From The Washington Post's Reliable Source column:

Steinbuch's Suit Has Room to Grow

The bitter and messy lawsuit against Capitol Hill sex blogger Jessica Cutler by a former paramour is snaking its way into the highest echelons of D.C. blog royalty. In a federal court filing late last week, a lawyer for Robert Steinbuch said he will seek to add Ana Marie Cox , founder of the popular political-gossip Web site Wonkette, as a co-defendant.

Cutler's explicit online "Washingtonienne" diary, detailing escapades with several unnamed men, blew up into a mini-scandal after Wonkette publicized it in May 2004. A year later -- after Cutler lost her Senate job but gained a book deal -- Steinbuch sued, alleging invasion of privacy and emotional distress. Cutler responded that she only shared her blog with four friends and did not perpetrate its broader airing. So Steinbuch is now seeking to add Cox and the as-yet-unnamed person who turned her on to Cutler's blog to the suit. Cox, now a columnist for Time, declined comment last night.

Though it's more complex than I could do it justice in such limited space, I still stand by my "Spanking Jessica Cutler" column. The way my non-legal mind sees it, trying to rectify your loss of privacy by splashing your name all over the world doesn't seem to make much sense. However, I do see the fault of the explosion of the original Washingtonienne blog lying more with Wonkette than with Jessica. Surely there are countless blogs that, were they to "blow up," would cause anguish and/or humiliation, etc., for their subjects, but they never go any farther than a few people. Let's recap via Privacy and Security Law Blog:

As Steinbuch further observed, in her blog, Cutler gave “widespread publication” to very intimate facts about their affair, including “the number of times Plaintiff ejaculated, his difficulty in maintaining an erection while wearing a particular condom, spanking and hair pulling during sexual activity (conveniently leaving out Cutler’s request of both), . . . physical descriptions of Plaintiff’s naked body, the physical details of the sexual positions Plaintiff assumed during sexual activity,” and other highly embarrassing and confidential facts about their sexual activities.

Here's a sample snippet about him from the Washingtonienne blog:

RS looks just like George Clooney when he takes off his glasses. I am serious.

Has a great ass.

Number of ejaculations: 2

He likes spanking. (Both giving and receiving.)

I put the moves on HIM. That is, I brought him back to MY place, I was the one who jumped on HIM.

Do you think it would have changed his suit in any way if Jessica had left in her own "request of both?"

and another:

So it turns out that RS cannot finish with a condom on. He can barely stay hard. So he ends up taking it off and humping away at me. Maybe I forgot to tell him that I'm on the Pill. Note to self...

I also learned that he was a cop, so he has scary police shit like handcuffs in his closet. He implied that we would be using them next time, which is intriguing, but I know I'm going to get scared and panicky. (Which would probably turn him on.)

A lot of people have asked me: but don't you think these are things the average person would want to keep quiet? Perhaps, but . . . there's a difference between not wanting something to be made public and suing someone for damages for revealing it. I know certain thngs about people I've slept with, and I try to be judicious about them, but they also know things about me. It's a give and take, a tricky balancing of trust. Also, many of my friends know things about me. If we have a fight and start hating each other, they could conceivably blog something mean or "private" about me. But then wouldn't it be my fault for telling them that? It's not a lie, and I don't see why the truth should not be an absolute defense. That's in my world, I have no idea how this lawsuit will turn out.

But as the literary world recovers from the James Freys, Jayson Blairs, and Kaavya Viswanathans of this world, all of whom seem to have profited from lying in some form, I feel like we need to question the way we seem to put sex on such a pedestal that any mention of it seems to make us feel "dirty" or exposed. It's just not such a big deal, I'm sorry. I'm getting all these emails like "wow, you like to give blowjobs." Firstly, I so rarely get to do it that it's almost like a dream or something when I do. Secondly, news flash, it's not the rarest thing in the world. Some women and men like to suck cock, some don't. Just as some like or don't like spanking, hair pulling, etc. It's not right or wrong or anything, it just is, and the sooner we stop sensationalizing it and realize that everyone probably has something "freaky" or "kinky" or whatever going on in their bedrooms, the less I think we'll care about what everyone else is up to. I wasn't saying that I'd want everyone in the world to know if I couldn't get it up, but more that it's totally common - erectile dysfunction, spanking, etc. Common enough that no one's career should be ruined, in this day and age, by sex-related "revelation of private facts." Come on! We know that President Clinton, a married man, was getting his dick sucked under his desk. If we can deal with that knowledge, we can deal with a little spanky-panky on Capitol Hill. The question, I think beyond the legal one, is not "would you want these facts revealed?" but "do people in intimate relationships with you have an obligation not to reveal them?" And I'm going to vote no, they don't.

It's so funny to even talk about this case, for me, in such abstract terms because now I'm friends with Jessica, and can even get her to publicly spill disgusting stories. Look out DC - we are invading BEA next week and I intend to let go of my New York blues and really have a fabulous time.