onslaught

I get these really acute freak out moments, where I feel like I could burst into tears, but considering I'm sitting in Sin Sin Lounge waiting for GirlyNYC and Comedy Pro Shop to start, I won't. But it's scary how quickly that sheer, utter, scary panic sets in, that feeling that no matter what I do I will totally fail, so why bother with any of it, rather than just sitting down to edit my interview, to read my book, to do something productive. It sucks, but hopefully I'll work through it. I guess I'm always do and I have no choice in the matter, but sometimes everything just seems so daunting, even while I've had moments in the past few days when I've utterly fallen in love with writing all over again, where I've managed to escape my stupid brain and get lost in the words, in the crafting of questions and putting some letters in front of the other, in thinking, in trying to make something. Anything. I know I will survive the week, the month, the day, the night but sometimes I really wonder. I guess I was counting on that pedicure more than I thought.