just when I'm ready to pack it all in...

I see the Amazon listing for Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica, which I edited - I guess the date's been pushed back till July 2006, which is okay because I think First-Timers, which I just turned in to Alyson this week, comes out in May or June.

I'm still ready to pack it all in, or most of it. Something isn't right, and I can't work endlessly on stupid stuff for nothing anymore. I just can't. My body and my mind can't take it anymore. I'll have to figure out what to quit and what to keep, what I can handle, what's worth it, but writing isn't fucking charity work. I feel like the loser unprofessional idiot, and the worst businesswoman in the world. I just need a break from it all. Soon, soon. Maybe I'll get the fuck out of here for my birthday instead of trying to have a stupid party. We'll see. Cannot wait for the weekend to be here. Maybe my 2nd doctor's visit will yield some results so I can, like, breathe normally again. That is all. Not a good day, clearly, though I've deleted most of the melodrama. Suffice it to say, I can't keep going at the pace I've been going, especially not for free. I just can't. And I suck and the immediate problem is my fault, but still, it's just way too much to handle and I have to, for once in my life, get my priorities straight.