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Lusty Lady

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Saturday, February 15, 2014

Life is change

2013 brought a lot of change in my life, moving from Williamsburg, Brooklyn to Red Bank, New Jersey, living with a partner for the first time, and 2014 has only meant more change. The Great Book Sales Slump of 2013 has meant that I am preparing to ease out of the life I'd thought was my destiny--freelance writing and anthology editing--and into the unknown. I'm applying for all sorts of jobs and still pitching and writing as much as I can, and editing the 3 books I have contracted, and while I of course hope my book sales turn around, because it's sad to put so much time and effort and money into projects and see them fail, I also know that I've done so much since I wrote that first story in 1999 and maybe I have other types of books in me, or other skills I haven't yet accessed. It's forced me to question whether I truly love what I do, and how much I'm willing to go to the bat for it, how much I believe in myself and my work. In the past, I've given up so easily, but this time, the stakes are higher. It's not just me, so I owe it to myself to keep pushing and submitting and tweaking my resume and seeking out opportunities rather than waiting for them to magically appear before me.

I'm probably moving again within my town, which will force me to further confront my hoarding tendencies. It's a lot to figure out and I have no idea what the future holds, but my old ways of being at one job for 7.5 years, being in the same apartment for 13 years, thinking that the more books I put out, the more money I make...those are gone. It's time for new thinking and new priorities and no more false assumptions. I've always been fearful of change; I get comfortable and think that that comfort will protect me. I have no idea what 2014 will bring. I have dreams and hopes, but I am ready to drop everything for the new, the now, the future.


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