Email: rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com



 

Lusty Lady

BLOG OF RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I have a hot new book coming out in 2016!

At some point, when I have free time (ha ha ha), I will post more about what it means to me to have edited the forthcoming in January Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 (the new name for what what I had called Best Women's Erotica 2016), because it's an incredible career high, especially since the stories I've had published in previous editions are some of my absolute favorites I've written. But today I sent over 200 rejection emails and 20 acceptance emails, filed two articles and did so many other things that at one point, I looked up and legitimately wasn't sure where I was for a few seconds. It was like I'd woken up from a dream, but I was at my desk. Yes, that's how crazy this week is making me. If you submitted a story to the book and haven't heard back (check your inbox and spam folder too), email me ASAP at bwe2016 at gmail.com and I will respond.

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So instead of everything I had planned to say about this book, which I am now in the paperwork/contracts/sending payment stage of, I will just share the cover. I will also say to all the people who submitted whose work I couldn't include, and anyone who had wanted to submit but didn't, if I am given the chance to edit another volume of this series, I hope to make it as smart and sexy and creative as this one. I have no idea if I will be editing any more anthologies, let alone this famed series, and today is not a day I even want to contemplate anything of the sort, given how exhausted I am. But if I should be so lucky as to edit another volume, I will once again make room in it for many new authors I've never worked with, and new voices. That was one of my top priorities with this volume and I can't wait for it to be out in the world in January. Postcards and readings and promotions to come! This is an important book for me for many reasons, and I will share more about that as soon as I can. Once the table of contents is finalized, I will post it and share why I selected the stories I did. I can promise you now: there's hotness, variety, threesomes, romance, kink, geekiness and much more.

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A stranger wanted to pay me $3,500 to sleep with him - you won't believe what happened next

I learned a lot about myself, sex work, money, labor and value while writing my latest DAME column, "I Was Offered $3,500 to Have Sex with a Stranger. Thanks to Melissa Petro and Kimberlee Cline for sharing their thoughts for the column. Check it out now, and I welcome suggestions on future topics to cover at rachelcitypaper at gmail.com - you can also read my entire DAME Shameless Sex column archives.

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Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Sale this week: Obsessed: Erotic Romance for Women is only $1.99 on Kindle, Nook and Google Play

This week, I've got Obsessed: Erotic Romance for Women on sale for $1.99 on Kindle! And of course it's not just "for women" but that's how book marketing goes. You can get it now through October 5th for the sale price for Kindle, Nook and Google Play.



Just want to take a moment to appreciate the mighty ebook. Many of the publishers I worked with early on in my career are no more, which means my books are out of print, because they were never issued as ebooks. Yes, I could take the time to have them scanned in or typed (because I created them many computers ago and don't have the original files, because I never thought that would be an issue when I was young and new at this), and make ebooks and audiobooks out of them. Maybe someday I will, but I don't have time at the moment. My point is, though, that I love that these books do exist as ebooks, and that many exist as print, ebook and audiobooks because different people want to listen in different ways. My personal preference is print, because I think it's easier on my middle-aged eyes, but I admit that my instant gratification extreme impatience side adores the way you can simply click and presto, a book is available for you to read in seconds. So with these sales, I just wanted to give my personal two cents. I of course wish every anthology I'd ever edited were available as an ebook, but since they're not, I'll focus on the ones that are (hint: the ones published by Cleis Press!).

Flashback to the beautiful Obsessed cupcakes served at the book party. I know it looks almost too beautiful to be real, but I was there, and it was indeed real!

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Want a 100% free read? Check out my Big Handsome Man story from the book, "I Want To Hold Your Hand." I originally wrote that when I was on a "name erotica stories after songs" kick, which I plan to revisit. Enjoy!

Here's the full table of contents:

Foreword: Behind the Mask of Obsession Caridad Piñeiro
Introduction Rachel Kramer Bussel
Silent Treatment Donna George Storey
One Night in Paris Kayla Perrin
Concubine Portia Da Costa
Love and Demotion Logan Belle
Mephisto Waltz Justine Elyot
Then Emerald
It’s Gotta Be Fate Jennifer Peters
Hooked Ariel Graham
Aftershocks Bella Andre
Secret Places Adele Haze
Loser Charlotte Stein
Here In Between Kristina Wright
Spellbound by Garnell Wallace
Raven’s Flight Andrea Dale
Raindrops and Rooftops Elizabeth Coldwell
Topiary K. D. Grace
I Want to Hold Your Hand Rachel Kramer Bussel
Storm Surge Teresa Noelle Roberts
Undercover Kink Louisa Harte

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Monday, September 28, 2015

Why I'm keeping my movie date tonight

Tonight I'm going to see a movie I've been wanting to see since I first heard about it: Pawn Sacrifice, about chess players Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky. We had a busy weekend and decided to see it tonight instead. Then this morning I was both catching up with writing assignments I'd hoped to finish over the weekend and received some new ones. I'm transcribing as fast as I can and brainstorming new pitches and a little overwhelmed, as weeks like this tend to make me.

pawnsacrifice

So it would be very easy to cancel the movie date. After all, we could go another night this week. But one trait I'm trying to cure myself of is the tendency to put work before everything else. Yes, on some level, my work is what allows me to eat and pay rent and all those other niceties, including going to the movies. On the other hand, I didn't even take a break to shower today and my eyes are getting that achy feeling from staring at my screen all day. I deserve a break, and have an interview scheduled for 10 p.m.

Especially as I pretty much make getting pregnant my other full-time job, or at least, my part-time job, I'm realizing that being a crazed, stressed workaholic isn't something I would ever want to pass on to a child, should I be blessed enough to ever become a mom. I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking that working more hours means working smarter or better. It doesn't. The truth is, breaks are good for my brain, not to mention my eyes and fingers and the rest of my body. They help me reframe whatever I'm working on, see sentences in new ways. They're necessary, even though I don't often treat them as such. So I will be keeping my movie date, and back at my desk in a few hours to resume writing and interviewing and transcribing. I often feel like I'm making up this freelancing thing as I go along, and the part where I learn that more hours at my desk does not necessarily mean more money earned is a lesson I will likely have to keep relearning along the way.

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From buying my first vibrator at Eve's Garden in 1997 to teaching erotica writing there in 2015

Way back around 1997, when I was in, I believe, my first year of law school at NYU, I decided it was high time I got myself a vibrator. Beyond that, I don't recall the specifics, save that I had been reading erotica since high school and was highly curious. I lived in the law school dorms at 240 Mercer Street in Greenwich Village, near some porn stores on 6th Avenue, but didn't feel comfortable buying a sex toy from one of them, so off I went to Eve's Garden on 57th Street. It was, and still is, located in an otherwise innocuous looking office building. You don't have to say "I'm going to the 12th floor" to anyone as you get on the elevator and proceed to a similarly innocuous door that welcomes you into a cozy women friendly sex toy store. This was at least a year, and probably two years, before I ever thought about, let alone tried my hand at, writing erotica.

I know the first vibrator I bought was a rabbit vibe, and that I spent many an hour enjoying it. I truly don't remember that much about that early visit to Eve's Garden, but I can tell you about my recent visit during my trip to New York. I walked in on an otherwise quiet Friday afternoon after taking the bus from Atlantic City. I was there because I'll be teaching an erotica writing workshop at the shop on Thursday, October 15th, and wanted to check in and see what was on sale and get a copy of founder Dell Williams' memoir Revolution in the Garden. Well, lo and behold, not only do they stock my erotica anthologies such as Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms and Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, they gifted me a copy of the book I'd gone there for. I was overjoyed, and awed at how full circle I'd come, from being a confused, frustrated law student who wasn't sure what her professional future held, to carving out this path for the last fifteen or so years of writing, editing and teaching. I spent a good while browsing, and bought massage oil and a massage candle to use at home, and took some photos. I can't wait to return to Eve's Garden for my workshop and inspire others to get writing! Workshop details:

October 15, 7-8:30 pm
Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Eve's Garden, 119 West 57th Street, Suite 1201, New York, NY
Facebook event page Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Best Bondage Erotica 2015 and more, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You'll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. She'll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market (including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites). Whether you're writing to that special someone, penning longtime fantasies, or want to earn cash for your dirty words, this workshop is for you. Please bring paper or writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided. $20/person. Limited to 20 people. Register at Eve's Garden or by calling 212-757-8651. Doors at 6:45, class runs from 7-8:30 p.m. and includes a handout with resources.

Here's some photos I took during my recent visit, and I'll take more before my workshop.

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Yes, that's an Eiffel Tower dildo!

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There's a great books section - I promise I'm not just saying that because they stock my titles!

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pretty glass dildos

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A fitting display for Revolution in the Garden, a fascinating feminist memoir, which I recommend and will be posting more about soon!

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Friday, September 25, 2015

Sale alert! Women in Lust and I Want You Bad are cheap right now on Amazon

Updated September 27 with new prices Double happiness for those of you who like erotica and erotic romance: the print and ebook versions of my anthologies Women in Lust and I Want You Bad, the latter a re-issue of the erotic romance book formerly titled Obsessed, are on sale for very cheap prices! The Kindle edition of Women in Lust is $1.99 through this Sunday, September 27th, and the other prices are subject to change any second. As of this post, Women in Lust is $5.63 in print on Amazon, and I Want You Bad is $3.80 for Kindle and $4.00 in print. Also: You can read my free story "I Want to Hold Your Hand" from I Want You Bad. Happy reading!

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I Want You Bad table of contents:

Foreword: Behind the Mask of Obsession Caridad Piñeiro
Introduction Rachel Kramer Bussel

Silent Treatment Donna George Storey
One Night in Paris Kayla Perrin
Concubine Portia Da Costa
Love and Demotion Logan Belle
Mephisto Waltz Justine Elyot
Then Emerald
It’s Gotta Be Fate Jennifer Peters
Hooked Ariel Graham
Aftershocks Bella Andre
Secret Places Adele Haze
Loser Charlotte Stein
Here In Between Kristina Wright
Spellbound by Garnell Wallace
Raven’s Flight Andrea Dale
Raindrops and Rooftops Elizabeth Coldwell
Topiary K. D. Grace
I Want to Hold Your Hand Rachel Kramer Bussel
Storm Surge Teresa Noelle Roberts
Undercover Kink Louisa Harte

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Putting the full time in "full time freelancer," or why I stopped writing for free

When 2015 rolled around, I realized I had to make a choice: get serious about being a full-time writer/editor/teacher, or give up. That was before I lived somewhere where you pretty much need a car to get around, and not only don't I have a car, I also don't have a driver's license. That makes the stakes even higher; even if I could theoretically find a full-time job after being out of the workforce for four years, unless it was within walking distance or on a nearby bus route, it would be hard to get to.

More than that, though, I wanted to know I had given freelancing my all. I love the work that I do, the writing personal essays, interviewing people, penning two sex columns, editing anthologies and teaching writing in person and online. I enjoy and am proud of it, but if it doesn't bring in enough income to support me and, hopefully, in the near future, a child, it's not the right job for me. It didn't take me long to figure out that one drain on my time was writing for free. I've done it plenty in the past (all those Gothamist interviews, with smart, amazing people, I didn't get paid for, as just one of many examples), but now that I'm nearing 40 and want to build both peace of mind so I'm not scrambling to make rent and a safety net, free wasn't going to work.

So I vowed not to do it, even if it meant tabling a great idea or already written essay because I couldn't find a home for it. The one exception I've made is writing for group blog Lady Smut, and I consider that more akin to blogging here, which I also don't get paid for, than freelance writing, where I'd go through the usual channels of pitching.

I'm not arguing that anyone else shouldn't work for free; that's your call, and certainly some of my early free writing later helped me get paid gigs (case in point: Thought Catalog). But with 40 breathing down my neck, and especially lately, with costs of seeing a fertility specialist, almost none of which are covered by the insurance I'm incredibly lucky to have through my domestic partner, I'm even prouder of my resolve.

The greatest impact my decision not to write for free has had is it's forced me to pitch my heart out, to pitch places I once would have thought were "beyond" me, like The New York Times. It's made me bolder in seeking out opportunities, and writing outside of my usual beats of sex, dating, books, pop culture and hoarding, about topics like travel and tech and babies. This week, I'm finishing my first piece for a site I've been reading daily and am excited about writing for. I am starting to realize that my time in a day is finite, and so is my time here on earth. I could die tomorrow and I want to be proud of what I've accomplished, but also proud that I didn't spend 24/7 working or worrying about work. That's an area where I've failed a lot this year. I've let work take over my life and hinder my relationships with my partner and with others. I've let it dominate my mind, even when the amounts of money involved were relatively small. That's what I want to try to improve on, while still continuing to find new subjects and markets, to innovate and expand.

Something I don't think people realize is the costs involved in what I do, which goes back to whether I am making the success of RKB Enterprises, Inc., my company, a priority. There's always a line; how much time and money am I willing to devote? I've largely stopped traveling for work, because it's not cost effective; my three upcoming writing workshops, October 15th in New York, October 21st in Portland, Maine and November 8th in Washington, DC, all coincide with other trips I was already taking. My main focus is on teaching online, for both LitReactor and my soon-to-launch personal writing teaching website. I'm also planning to put more effort into my consulting business, where I work with erotica writers and sex-themed nonfiction writers to craft their work.

The truth is, it's scary to not know if any of it will work out. Any day, I could wake up to find my recurring gigs have ended, nobody's responding to my pitches, nobody's buying my books and it's back to the drawing board. If that happens, I will be prepared. These past four years of freelancing have taught me that while nothing in this business is stable, I'm resourceful enough to keep seeking and looking and trying and risking. For me, being a full-time freelance will never be a 9 to 5 job, because that's just not feasible for the work that I want to accomplish, but what I do strive for is to keep improving, both how I operate, and what I believe I'm worth. I don't know what that will look like a week or a month or a year from now, but I know that I want to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, into new ventures and opportunities, and thereby keep learning and making it more likely that I can keep this up for four more years, and hopefully many more beyond that.

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Thursday, September 24, 2015

My 50th Philadelphia City Paper sex column is on sexual fantasies with Girl on the Net

This week marks my 50th Philadelphia City Paper sex column - it's on sexual fantasies, featuring sex blogger Girl on the Net! Here's a snippet:
But even for someone as brazen as the 31-year-old, who's in a "couple-years-long, mostly monogamous" relationship, not every fantasy is one she wants to bring to life. "Some things I masturbate about purely because that's what I know I'll get off on at the time," she said, "and other fantasies I want to mull over as possibilities for the future."
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I'm so proud of marking this milestone and hope I get to write 50 (and many hundreds) more. You can read the column's archives here and I welcome pitches on new subjects, people, events, fantasies, dating and relationship topics and anything else that falls under the umbrella of sex. Write to rachelcitypaper at gmail.com and let me know what you'd like to see me cover next! If it's happening in Philadelphia, all the better, though I cover national and international subjects as well.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Why I love teaching erotica and sex writing

I used to be of the "those who can't do, teach" mindset, at least, regarding myself: who was I to teach erotica when I hadn't written a novel like almost everyone else in the field? But I realized recently that I've been teaching erotica for quite a while now, and have done it everywhere from the 92Y Tribeca to colleges like University of Pennsylvania and Northwest and SUNY Purchase to conferences like CatalystCon. Plus, I've managed to teach at sex toy stores I ardently support such as Babeland, Early to Bed, Nomia, Secret Pleasures, Self Serve, The Tool Shed and others (with one coming up October 15th at Eve's Garden in New York, where I bought my first vibrator, my third at Nomia in Portland, Maine October 21st and one November 8 at the brand new Lotus Blooms in Washington, DC). When I have a whole month to teach at LitReactor (next one is November 3-December 3), we can really dig into the topic and I get to research students' questions, which has led me to find agents seeking erotica, analyze threesome scenes and much more.

It was really teaching two three-hour workshops in one day at CatalystCon, which I did twice in 2014 and twice this year, and will again on April 1 in Chicago, that showed me, Yes, you know what you're doing. You're good at this. You can't lead people for six hours if you're talking out of your ass, so to speak.

Conversely, even when given a short amount of time, to know that I've moved people, that I've inspired them, that I've gotten them writing and encouraged them to think about doing more writing and maybe sending their work out into the world, means so much to me. It's also made me realize that teaching is a different skill set entirely. I've had to go back through my own writing, writing I've published and writing I've enjoyed reading and break down exactly what makes it work in order to explain it to students. I truly enjoy knowing what students want to know and doing my best to help them with answers. I would say the vast majority of what I do is encourage; it's not a step by step, you type this and write this and voila, you have erotica. It's more about unlocking their minds to the possibilities of what they can conceptualize, what they can use as fodder, where their stories can go, and then coaxing them through the process.

On Sunday at Sexual Health Expo (aka, SHE), I only had half an hour to teach, which is much shorter than I'd normally talk for, but I was thrilled and impressed with the way students dove right in at 11 a.m., asked questions, and told me they found it useful. While I still would prefer a longer time slot, knowing I could make an impact and impart information that got people writing made me so thrilled. During one writing exercise, I whispered to my friend F. Leonora Solomon, asking if I could mention her by name as the editor of two upcoming Riverdale Avenue Books anthologies on femdom erotica (January 31 deadline) and Victorian era erotica. She said yes, and I did, and then she asked a question I was so happy I could answer. And look what happened:

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So yes, it's part of my business and how I earn a living, but alongside that, teaching has given me new insights into how erotica and sex writing work, and why I do them and want to encourage others to.

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Interview with Shadi Petosky, who was detained by the TSA because she's transgender

Yesterday I interviewed Shadi Petosky, a transgender television writer and producer who was detained by the TSA in Orlando on Monday because of her trans status. The quote Salon chose as part of the headline, that will give you a little clue if you haven't heard about this story what it was like for her: "The police at the TSA gate were awful. One was laughing at me"

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Monday, September 21, 2015

My erotica book Women in Lust is $1.99 this week on Kindle!

Exciting news: my erotica anthology Women in Lust is $1.99 this week on Kindle!

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More about the book:

Introduction: Ladies Who Lust

Naughty Thoughts Portia Da Costa
Guess Charlotte Stein
Her, Him and Them Aimee Pearl
Bayou Clancy Nacht
Smoke Elizabeth Coldwell
Bite Me Lucy Hughes
Ride a Cowboy Del Carmen
Queen of Sheba Jen Cross
Hot for Teacher Rachel Kramer Bussel
Unbidden Brandy Fox
Something to Ruin Amelia Thornton
Guitar Hero Kin Fallon
Ode to a Masturbator Aimee Herman
Orchid Jacqueline Applebee
Cherry Blossom Kayar Silkenvoice
Rain Olivia Archer
The Hard Way Justine Elyot
Strapped K. D. Grace
Beneath My Skin Shanna Germain
Comfort Food Donna George Storey

Ladies Who Lust

Lust. It’s one of those four-letter words that trips off the tongue. When I say it out loud, it makes my lips want to curve into a smile. Lust is more than simple arousal; it is the force that makes us not just turned on, but craving a certain person (or people).

I used to write a sex column called “Lusty Lady,” named after the famed strip club, but somehow lusty, rhyming as it does with busty, sounds a bit like a joke, an added bit of humor, which is how our culture often treats sex. Lust, though, is different; it’s intense, overpowering. While in real life we may not always act every time lust calls to us, in fiction, we can abandon the safety of propriety and seek out lust and sex wherever we find them.

The characters in Women in Lust may vary in the objects of their lust, and how they go about acting on their urge, but what connects them is that pure impulse for a lover. Sometimes he is someone she knows well, is married to or dating; in other stories, he is a stranger, and is sexy precisely because he represents the unknown. Women also lust after other women here, as in Kayar Silkenvoice’s Japanese happy ending massage story, “Cherry Blossom,” and while we only hear one side of the story, I’d like to think the working woman is doing more than just her job. In addition to the culture clash, there’s the joy of throwing caution to the wind while on vacation, using travel to broaden one’s sexual horizons. Whether watching a lover playing guitar, using a webcam, going out for a smoke or simply embracing a chance encounter, these women seize the opportunities presented to them, and savor the lovers who teach them about themselves and help them open up to new sensual possibilities. Sometimes that means looking at the man they live with in a new light, and other times that means something much naughtier. Either way, their lust is a valued part of their lives, not a pesky afterthought or to-do list item on “date night.”

The objects of their lust are not always the “right” person. In “Rain,” a woman falls for her best friend’s boyfriend, one of the ultimate dating taboos, but she goes for it. Sometimes the desire itself, the way it can be used to tease and taunt, as in Charlotte Stein’s “Guess,” is maddening, but we embrace our lusts even when they are maddening, even when they make us do things we might otherwise consider reckless.

For every woman here who can locate her lust on the map of her body, who zeros in on her target and goes for it, there is another who is opened up to her lust by a lover, whether it’s Jen Cross’s narrator pondering what it was, exactly, her orally generous long-ago lover got out of being between her legs. The first words of Shanna Germain’s powerfully kinky “Beneath My Skin” are “I’m afraid,” to which her lover, Kade, responds, “You should be.” Fear can be a powerful motivator and, crossed with lust, can lead to explosive results.

Whether discovering the joy of a younger man, not to mention some delicious pudding, in “Comfort Food,” by Donna George Storey, or taking sex and bondage into the great outdoors in “Something to Ruin” by Amelia Thornton, these women indulge in new ways of getting off and pushing the limits of their lust. Thornton writes: “Despite my longing, there was still part of me that wanted to protest, to tell him to cut me loose, to run wildly through the forest back to the safety of our picnic blanket, but to me that is the beauty of rope: to desire escape but to willingly be imprisoned, to feel the pressure of something that prevents my movement, yet to know there is no place that I feel safer than when trapped like this.” She captures the excitement of giving in to a dominant lover, even when there is a small part of the narrator that is unsure, for that is precisely the part that fuels her desire. This story captures the true power that lies in submission and the many joys it can bring. In “Her, Him and Them,” by Aimee Pearl, the narrator submits to various lovers who question her and push her not only to be the best sub she can be, but to figure out why, exactly, she likes the thrill of submission and service.

I hope these stories inspire some lusty days and nights for you, as they’ have for me.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City

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Friday, September 18, 2015

A new free BDSM erotica story by me and a new cover for my 40th birthday book Dirty Dates

Maybe you've noticed from my wordy subject line I know shit about SEO and have trouble sticking to word counts. That's me, and what I've learned about myself is that I am not likely to change the core things that make me unique. I spent a long time trying to, and now I'm learning to embrace all my quirks and oddities and even my flaws.

I shared a brand new free BDSM erotica story up at Lady Smut called "Indoor Voices." Lemonade from a writing rejection: I had a contract for this story for an anthology and had even blogged that it was in an anthology, because that's where I thought it was being published. I found out yesterday I was incorrect, and after a few moments of disappointment, I decided to publish it. It's also a taste of my BSDM erotica that I hope will get you excited about my anthology that pubs on my 40th birthday, November 10th: Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, which is available for pre-order and now has a way hot new cover! Read the introduction and table of contents on Tumblr and subscribe to my monthly newsletter at rachelkramerbussel.com for writing tips, event info and giveaways!

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Thursday, September 17, 2015

2 New York erotica writing workshops: September 20 and October 15 and one October 21 in Portland, Maine

I'll be doing two erotica writing workshops soon in New York, and then won't be doing any for the foreseeable future since it's pretty far from where I live, so I hope you can make these. If you can't, I'd love it if you can spread the word about them, and I'm also teaching another online erotica writing class at LitReactor.com November 3-December 3 that you can take from anywhere in the world, on your own schedule, anonymously or not. That one is limited to 16 people and is already starting to fill up, so check out the link above if you're interested. I also offer personal consulting on erotica and nonfiction sex writing; rates are on my website (scroll down). Want updates on all my events? Sign up for my newsletter on the left-hand side of my site, rachelkramerbussel.com

If you're in New York and want to hear some hot readings, I recommend tonight's Between the Covers reading at People Lounge, 163 Allen Street, at 8 pm with Laura Antoniou, D.L. King and, all the way from the UK, Lucy Felthouse!

Here's the details on my workshops:

September 20, 11 am - 11:30 am Erotica 101 writing workshop at SHE (Sexual Health Expo), NYC
I'll be teaching my erotica writing workshop followed by a book signing. Admission to SHE, which runs September 19-20, is $25. See sexualhealthexpo.com for schedule and details.
Millennium Broadway Hotel, 145 West 44th Street, New York, NY 10036

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October 15, 7-8:30 pm
Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Eve's Garden, 119 West 57th Street, Suite 1201, New York, NY
Facebook event page Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Best Bondage Erotica 2015 and more, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You'll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. She'll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market (including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites). Whether you're writing to that special someone, penning longtime fantasies, or want to earn cash for your dirty words, this workshop is for you. Please bring paper or writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided. $20/person. Limited to 20 people. Register at Eve's Garden or by calling 212-757-8651. Doors at 6:45, class runs from 7-8:30 p.m. and includes a handout with resources.

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October 21, 7:30-9 pm
Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Nomia, 24 Exchange Street, Suite 215, Portland, Maine
Facebook event page Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Best Bondage Erotica 2015 and more, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You'll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. She'll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market (including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites). Whether you're writing to that special someone, penning longtime fantasies, or want to earn cash for your dirty words, this workshop is for you. Please bring paper or writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided. $20/person. Call 207-773-4774 or visit Nomia to register. Limited to 20 people.

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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

When you write the thing you need to read, or my heart tattoo essay at HelloGiggles

You may have read my essay "Wearing My Tattooed Heart on My Sleeve" in my ebook Sex & Cupcakes, but whether you have or not, I have a new essay, "My heart tattoo is my romantic compass," up at HelloGiggles. The first essay is more about the backstory of my tattoo, while this one is about what it's taught me since I've gotten it.

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I believe this was taken right after getting inked at Sanctuary Tattoo in Portland, Maine

What amazes me is that I wrote this a few weeks ago and it went up today, a day when I've been facing some major questions about whether to follow my heart or do what's "practical." As I get closer to 40, I've been trying very hard to turn my life around from my previously wasteful, impulsive ways and be more of an adult, as befitting someone almost in their forties. But sometimes what stand between you and the only thing you think you need to complete your life is, in many ways, impractical. So I've been wrestling with that today, and when I saw this went up, I had my answer. I'm gonna follow my heart, even if it disrupts a few things along the way. Because otherwise it's just some random letters on my arm, right?

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Are brains the new tits? Find out in my sapiosexual column at DAME

My latest column at women's site DAME asks "Is Smart The New Sexy?" which explores how we assess intelligence in the dating world, whether you need to have attended college to be considered "smart," what sapiosexual means and how it's perceived, with quotes from Kate Sloan, Rose Caraway, Melissa Toler and Jo Weldon and a brief take on my attendance at Bawdy Storytelling in LA (which also happens tomorrow in San Francisco and if you're there you should go!).

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Also: I'd love your suggestions for what to cover next for my DAME sex column that relates to women and sex and/or dating. Email me at rachelkb at gmail do com with "DAME" in the subject line.

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Tuesday, September 15, 2015

I spent my weekend topless in a backyard pool and it was heavenly

Okay, that's not entirely true: I did not spend my whole weekend topless in the water, but a part of me wishes I had because for the first time in longer than I can remember, I felt completely relaxed. I absolutely love what I do, but working for yourself requires, at least, in my experience, a pretty near constant vigilance. I have to always be checking out what's happening in the culture to see if there's anything I should be writing about, stay on top of the markets for erotica and sex writing to better help my students and further my own work, and simply keep up with my usual deadlines.

I've had more than a few moments in the past few months where I wondered whether even when things are going "well" if this pace is sustainable, or worth it. What does it mean to be doing exactly what you want and paying your bills but to never feel like you deserve to be off the clock?

I don't have the answer to that; it's a work in progress, like me. But I do know that when I was at a party this weekend, after teaching what wound up being more over six hours of writing workshops the day before, I decided to let all the stress wash away into that warm, magical pool. I had forgotten my bathing suit and was planning to just dip my feet in, but the water was warmer than I could have imagined. It felt perfect, and I wanted more. So I shucked my dress and bra and only kept my panties on because I thought there were rules about that (turns out, there weren't).

What's funny is that there's a pool where I live now, but I haven't so much as dipped my feet in it. This weekend I took the time to appreciate my surroundings, to savor the little things, whether it was an acai bowl that made me taste a bit of my Hawaiian memories for a moment, or navigating public transportation like a New Yorker rather than relying on Uber.

I don't think I need to be topless in a pool in Southern California to find those moments of sheer bliss; at least, I hope not, because I live in suburban New Jersey. But that's something I want to savor and return to when life gets stressful.

Here are a few photos I took over the past few days. And if you're in or near Chicago or want to travel there, the next CatalystCon will take place April 1-3, the first one in the Midwest. I am already working on my panel proposal! Get your proposals in by November 3rd.

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I always swoon when I see palm trees.

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My awesome CatalystCon panelists: Anaín Bjorkquist, me, Dixie De La Tour of Bawdy Storytelling and Gaby Dunn

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I haven't gotten a chance to actually read more than two pages of young adult novel Dumplin' by Julie Murphy since downloading it last night before my redeye flight, but I love that Dolly Parton is a major plot point and it opens with this quote.

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Monday, September 14, 2015

Read my latest sex essay in O, The Oprah Magazine

I mostly write online, but in the October issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, I have a short essay about my sex life on page 126, as part of a longer package on sex that's all fascinating. I don't know if it'll also be online, but I encourage you to check it out. What's funny is that I saw the magazine on Wednesday when flying out to L.A., and meant to post about it earlier. So much has happened in the past few days that to me this is almost "old" news, although of course it's not. More when I've had a chance to catch up and think through all the amazing things that went on this weekend. I feel energized and excited and so glad I got to meet new people and connect with old friends and learn more about my role in the sex positive community. I feel ready to tackle so much that's ahead, personally and professionally, and am happy to be winding up my thirties with my words in a magazine I've been reading for years, subscribe to, and even tore an essay out of when I was moving a few months ago and kept because it spoke to me.

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Wednesday, September 09, 2015

Nicole Arbour's hate-filled "Dear Fat People" video

Sunday night, I was watching TV with my boyfriend and scrolling through Facebook when I read about a video called "Dear Fat People." At the time, it had been taken down from YouTube, but someone else had put it up. I watched it, and was horrified. I don't say that only because I'm in love with a fat man, though of course, that certainly colors my view. But there was something so sickening to me about how she talked about fat people, literally as if they should not exist, or only exist if they were spending their entire lives working to no longer be fat.

So at 11 p.m., I sent some emails and made some calls and did interviews. At midnight, I wondered, What am I doing? Nobody had assigned this to me; I wanted to cover it, both because I knew it was going to be a buzzed-about story, and because I wanted to add another voice speaking up against the hatefulness of this video.

So I did, and Salon liked it, and published it. Right now, as I type from an airplane on my way to L.A., it's their third most viewed piece.

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It's also one I've gotten rare hate mail for, which I've posted on my Facebook page. Those emails, to me, say so much. People are willing to speak out defending someone basically saying fat people are the scourge of the world, because she backs up their own prejudice. I want no part of that, ever. Lindy West also has an excellent response at The Guardian. I certainly couldn't muster that much empathy for Arbour.

I was far less interested, personally, in the "free speech" canard as I was in how telling fat people to fuck themselves could become a rallying cry. We need to do better, and we are, I hope.

As I gear up to teach a new set of writing students on Friday in Burbank (there's still room to join us!), I'm looking forward to hearing what they think about their own lives, about their fantasies, about things they want to say and share but perhaps don't know how or where to go about doing so.

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Friday, September 04, 2015

How to be a better submissive in BDSM

Want to explore BDSM in a deeper way? This week I wrote about Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive Playground online course in my Philadelphia City Paper sex column (if they're related to Philadelphia, that's wonderful, but they don't have to be). I'm actively looking for new topics to cover. Pitch me at rachelcitypaper at gmail.com - anything I haven't already covered in previous columns in the sex/dating/relationships realm is fair game!

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Sign up for my newsletter at rachelkramerbussel.com to find out my latest news and enter contests to win free books.

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Thursday, September 03, 2015

Can you be addicted to your vibrator?

That's the issue I explore in my new DAME sex column, as well as what women who aren't necessarily "addicted" but feel too reliant on one way of coming can do to switch things up.

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Also: I'm always open to pitches about what to cover next for my columns. DAME's Shameless Sex column deals with women and sex and Philadelphia City Paper with anything and everything (for a few examples, popular topics have included sex and depression/mental health, Valentine's Day polyamory and metamours, dick pics, what it's like to be a male dominant and working at a porn company). Email rachelcitypaper at gmail.com with your column idea (for either column) and as much as detail as possible. I'd love to do more columns on dating in particular, but am open to anything. Feel free to pass this on to anyone you know who might have a great story my readers would enjoy.

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Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Want to write, get published and make money with erotica and sex essays and journalism?

It's September, which means I'm getting ready to head out to Los Angeles! Next Friday, September 11th, I'll be there teaching 3-hour workshops on erotica and sex writing. The workshops happen just ahead of sexuality conference CatalystCon, which I highly recommend, but I wanted to dedicate a post to them because you don't have to be attending CatalystCon to take part. One of the reasons I love teaching is that it pushes me to learn more about what editors are looking for. It's given me even greater reason to pay attention to the publishing world so I can best align what my students are writing with what publications want to publish.

One of my favorite parts of these classes is updating my handout with even more markets and information than I had last time, which I think is a positive sign in both arenas, fiction and nonfiction; yes, fresh voices are very much wanted and needed. One of the subjects we'll be talking about, how to ethically navigate writing about other people's sex lives, I'll also be asking my panelists about on Sunday, September 13th at 11 a.m. at my CatalystCon Sharing Your Sex Life on the Page and the Stage panel. I can tell you that for me, it's a constantly evolving process in my life, especially now when I'm in the longest relationship of my life (three and a half years) and am constantly asking my partner what's okay and not okay to put in print, and we'll be discussing that among other considerations as you delve into writing about your sex life and/or doing sex journalism.

The full description of the workshops are below. The erotica one takes place in the morning of September 11, from 9:15-12:15 pm, and the nonfiction sex writing one runs from 1:30 pm-4:30 pm. I've had wonderful experiences the 3 previous times I've taught these at CataystCon. You can take either or both (they are very different from each other) and based on past experience I can say this is one of the most supportive, dynamic, creative, smart and fascinating groups you'll find to be your classmates! You can register here for the workshops. Questions? Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "Catalyst" in the subject line.

September 11, 9:15 am - 12:15 pm
Erotica 101 workshop, CatalystCon


In this three hour workshop Rachel Kramer Bussel, professional erotica author and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, such as The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories and Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing. Learn how to get started, find your voice, and write against type. You’ll discover how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, and using social media to promote your work and do outreach. She’ll also talk about submitting your work and keeping up with the thriving erotica market, including anthologies, ebooks, magazines and websites. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. A bibliography with erotica resources will be provided.

This class will take place on Friday, September 11, 2015 at the CatalystConhost hotel. You must purchase a ticket to this workshop separately from CatalystCon on the registration page. $45/person. Register here.

Los Angeles Marriott Burbank Airport, 2500 North Hollywood Way, Burbank, CA 91505

September 11, 1:30 pm - 4:30 pm
Sex Writing 101 (Nonfiction)


In this three hour workshop, writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Rachel is a sex columnist for Philadelphia City Paper and DAME, and was a sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse and The Frisky, and has written about sexuality for Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Salon, xoJane and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.

This class will take place on Friday, September 11, 2015 at the CatalystConhost hotel. You must purchase a ticket to this workshop separately from CatalystCon on the registration page. $45/person. Register here.

Los Angeles Marriott Burbank Airport, 2500 North Hollywood Way, Burbank, CA 91505

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