I'm having a rough week/month/time. I don't know if it's depression or deadlines or just feeling listless and kindof lifeless and empty, like I'll never have anything interesting to say/write and if that were the case (or rather, if I don't manage to actually get any ideas out of my brain and into a form that's consumable by others), what would it mean? I've built my life in such a way that it not only would mean I'd have to probably move to a cheaper apartment, but I'd feel pretty awful because I have nothing else I am qualified to do or want to do. So, you know, no pressure. It's not that I really think I'll never write anything again, but I guess all my failures seem like they are banging at the door of my mind, clamoring for attention, pushing aside the new ideas that are sprouting. Before those ideas get a chance to even form it's like I tell myself, "Don't even bother, someone else is better at it, nobody will want you."
So, that's me. But I was very inspired by Susannah Breslin's guest blog contest at Forbes, where she chose among women 18-25 who are extremely smart and accomplished and doing amazing work. They make me wish I were their age again and not so stuck in some of the quagmires I've gotten myself into, but also gave me hope that even at 35 with a lot of failures stacked up next to the successes, I can still dream big and accomplish things.
I also liked Susannah's post about why she ran the contest, and part of her rationale was:
I was depressed. Nothing was helping. Then I remembered something I read somewhere that said if you do something for someone else, it will help you.
Just reading that made me realize that while I may be stuck on every fiction story I'm writing, behind on my books and pitching into the void, I do have a blog that makes people happy, and that I can easily use it to make myself smile too.
So do check out these very inspiring women. I plan to read more of their work and try to get out of this rut and have something to say besides sad blog rants (my Tumblr is about to kick the bucket).
*Title inspired by Abbie Hoffman's Revolution for the Hell of It...which I read at chess camp when I was 14. For reals.