I Wish I Was Her

Post title a tribute to the Ben Lee song "I Wish I Was Him" (I don't wish I were Evan Dando but I do like the Lemonheads, plus the song mentions Diet Coke, officialy drink of RKB!)

I just discovered the blog Subversively Submissive and am in lust with it. So much so that I left a comment asking her to write me some erotica. This post, "Clothespins," especially, blew me away:

He suddenly moved close to me, his chest against mine, and hooked his finger into the ring of my collar, forcing my head up to look into his face. “Tell me, at any point, if it’s too much. You will tell me if you need to stop. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Are you ready?” I hesitated; I was frightened, and must have looked it. Not six months ago, I could barely tolerate a light pinch to my nipples, and although I had endured significantly stronger torture more recently, the clothespins looked…a little scary. But he always has a way of pushing my limits, and so despite my fear, I nodded.

The first clothespin went on, and I almost laughed at how easy it was. The second went on just the same. After a few seconds it started to burn—yet I also felt the tips of my nipples become intensely cold. The fear swelled up again, and I looked pleadingly at him. Take them off, take them off! I thought. But I said nothing.

“Breathe,” he whispered. “Don’t forget to breathe.” I released the air I’d been holding in tightly, and gasped in a few short breaths as the burning sensation became increasingly intense.

For me, it's been a really long time since I've gotten to play with anyone, and it presents kindof a conundrum, because I tend to fall even harder and faster for the people who bring out my kinky side. So for now it's all about living vicariously through other people until I'm ready/find the right person. Oh, and writing really filthy stories; of late, mine are way out there. And it's not that I literally wish I was (were? I always mess that one up!) someone else; I'm in fact working quite hard on accepting myself since I'm pretty much stuck with me. But I also am looking at so many other people, from the kickass moms I know to kinky bloggers like Subversively Submissive, to help me realize what I do ultimately want, even if I can't have it right now. One day at a time...