I spend all my days with books trying to disappear

I can't believe how fast time is flying, weekends especially. They're practically over before they've even started and I look at the screen in dismay most of the time. I'm just trying to be good and not fall into old habits. In junior high I always wrote everything in the middle of the night, super last minute. I feel old because I can't do the all nighters anymore, yet I still sometimes try to wake up in the middle of the night and steal some time. It's stupid because it's just another form of procrastination. I'm trying to be more positive, to see the page half full, not half empty. To see myself that way too, though I do feel pretty empty lately. Figuring out what I want to do and be, first and foremost, isn't easy. Much easier to follow everyone else, to just go with the flow, to give up at the first sign of difficulty. I'm brilliant at that, have been all my life. I'm a quitter who's trying not to be, really. It's not easy but I'm making baby steps, baby steps. Nothing I can really get into here because none of it may pan out, but I guess, as much as it pains my very goal-oriented self to admit it, the process is something after all. Mostly I just want to lock myself away and not have to be social, to wrap myself in soft sweaters and silly movies and Reputation songs and books books books but I can't. It's time to be the social butterfly not the hibernating recluse, so if I have to fake it till I make it, I will, and it'll be okay.